completed frustrated…help

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    Chad Moechnig
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    k0conute
    Post subject: completed frustrated…help Post Posted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 3:20 pm

    Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:33 am
    Posts: 51
    Location: Fremont, CA
    First off I just want to say how great this site is. Encouragement is all I read off of this…but I’m in a rut…and in need of some encouragement…

    I just started training for kickboxing the very first Friday of January. Typically I go to practice 3-4 times a week. I sparred for the first time last night and was shook. I had no clue what I was doing. I was training with my coach’s son, (who teaches the class, while my coach oversees) and he was going light on me. It’s not the punches that bother me, its seeing them coming and being able to block, being able to get in there and throw a punch. I’m totally intimidated now from sparring, which I know I shouldn’t… I just have no confidence … There are some girls in my gym that train, but most aren’t training to fight, thats what I want to do…except for this one girl. She hits hard and good, and when coach pairs us up, I can tell she gets frustrated with me because she’s training to compete and I’m just learning on how to get the hang of things….I guess its a build up of frustration… I feel like my kicks are awkward, my footwork is horrible, and my punches I’m having a hard time extending and turning my body… I know I haven’t been training that long, but im completely frustrated 😥 … ANYBODY HAVE ANY STORIES/EXPERIENCES/ADVICE that can help me out? Anything would be much appreciated. I want to train hard and be good… anything would help… THANK YOU!!!!!!!
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    kaitlinrose
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:15 pm
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:12 pm
    Posts: 243
    Location: Minnesota
    You know, pads and sparring are two entirely different things as it seems you are finding out. It is normal to be awkward when sparring at first. My first week of thai boxing sparring I got my lip split open in 3 different places (and this was after doing other martial arts for years prior). Its something that everyone goes through I think. I wouldn’t sweat the more experienced girl in class, for some reason it seems as though she has forgotten that everyone has to start somewhere by getting frustrated with you. At one point she was a beginner, too.
    To help combat feeling overwhelmed you might want to choose one thing each week that you would like to work on. Say you choose turning over your kick or keeping your hands up, and mostly focus on that. Try to remember that everyone has been where you are right now whether they remember it or not.
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    Rikki
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:03 pm
    Instructor

    Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 6:56 am
    Posts: 915
    Location: Lexington, KY
    Good advice, Kaitlin. You said everything I was planning on saying…except that I was going to be mean and call the experienced girl a b****! 😆
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    Maulinator
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:29 pm
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:43 pm
    Posts: 451
    Location: Hawaii, fighting out of San Diego, CA
    Like Kaitlin said it is totally normal to feel awkward when you first start out sparring – that’s the good news. The bad news is that the only way to get better is to keep sparring as much as possible 🙂

    Just take it one day at a time. Shadow boxing will help you get better with footwork and feeling out your combinations. Don’t let your frustration get to you, and don’t let the other girls frustration get to you. If she is more experienced she should be more patient with you. Whenever you are learning something new there will be a period of frustration. The important thing is to shake it off and don’t give up. Just keep coming back and you’ll get it figured out.

    Just hang in there and work a little at a time. Before you know it you will be putting everything together without even thinking about it. I promise you that there will come a day where you will actually enjoy getting hit 😀

    Like I tell the beginners that come in my class – even Mike Tyson didn’t know shit on his first day of practice.
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    Sako
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2008 8:49 pm

    Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2007 4:39 pm
    Posts: 327
    In Judo, a lot of people have the same problem, they spend all the time practicing throws on co-operative partners and when it comes time for randori or live grappling, they don’t know what the hell to do. At least in kickboxing, this not a problem because the training is always competition oriented. In many Judo dojos, they just have you practice throws, than they throw you into randori without teaching you any grip fighting, set ups, or counters. On top of that, a lot them will simply refuse to teach you certain things just because you’re a white belt.
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    GFC
    Post subject: PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 4:49 am
    Fightergirls elite poster

    Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:01 am
    Posts: 1576
    Location: Baja Cali/Vegas
    some great advice. first off do not be frustrated things like timing and head movement just take time and repetition, utilize any negatives as motivation and fuel. you already sound very motivated and that is prob at the root of your frustrations. in combat these are all tests of will power and determination that you must power through or it will continue to affect and limit your performance. the mind is one of your most important tools so the sooner you get that straight the faster you will progress. getting everything down is simply a process but there are some things you can do to accelerate it. having a home training gym and partner (bf, gf, etc.) where you can just wake up and train anytime in addition to any dojo or ring time i have found to be an extreme benefit. depends on the individual and situation but you don’t need to start out building an entire training facility. for now just getting a few things like a maize/slip bag which is very cheap and can be set up almost anywhere very easily. just crank your fav tunes marry it and work it daily, start getting your footwork in sync with your head movement and timing of your leads and counter strikes and kicks. keep in mind that elbows and knees move less than half the speed of the hands and feet, your opponent’s lead elbow and knee are further away so they are easier to detect, you’ll then be able to focus on that using your peripheral is key and the reactions will start to become second nature. when you can see all the strikes then you can slip, block and move with them to absorb/decrease impact, etc. and then counter attack. as this improves your confidence will grow. it will then start to incorporate into your sparring and get to where it is automatic, that’s when the fun and chess games of fighting really begin… 😉
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    JFP
    Post subject: PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 5:38 am

    Joined: Fri Feb 15, 2008 8:48 pm
    Posts: 17
    wow everybody seems to be hating on this “experienced girl,” maybe it’s just me but i get annoyed with working with people that have no idea what they are doing, especially if they aren’t willing to listen. Which it sounds like you are very willing to learn so that rules that out. But understand the girls’ frustration if she has a fight coming up. Other than that all I can say is show an extra effort to improve and not only will people help you more you will get better faster anyways. You can only really get better at sparring by sparring. Also don’t be discouraged to work with men either.
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    warrior14
    Post subject: PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:37 pm
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Thu Feb 19, 2004 2:08 pm
    Posts: 94
    Location: Sioux Falls, SD
    A thing that really helped me was having someone video or setting up a tripod to record my sparring so that I could see it. Oftentimes, you can see much more what you are doing right/wrong or what you SHOULD be doing, from a 3rd person outside view.
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    debi
    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 6:54 am
    Fightergirls Pro Fight Team

    Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:04 am
    Posts: 533
    Ko,
    Good for you and getting in there and sparring. Some people don’t make it that far, and once they realize its hard they quit.

    The fact that you care enough to get better means you WILL get better.

    Remember with the exp girl, its most likely what was said already above and that she has a fight coming up/. Its been my exp. that guy or girl when having a fight coming up act very different then who they really are, and tend to only think of themselves, and honestly thats the mind set of a fighter pre fight as they are getting ready mentally.

    Sometimes in my gym with the fights coming up you can cut the air with a knife. Hopefully when its over she won’t forget what it was like when she started !

    Hope this helps and hang in there ok, getting good takes time, and they only thing you can do is train and never give up, if it were easy everyone would do it 😉

    Deb
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    k0conute
    Post subject: Thank youPostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 9:12 am

    Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:33 am
    Posts: 51
    Location: Fremont, CA
    Thank you all for responding and all the good words of encouragement!!!!

    Kaitlin-I am going to set up a goal chart for every week! That’s a really good idea and it never even occured to me to make small little goals. It makes sense, achieve the small goals to get to the big ones 😀

    Maul-I like the whole quote about Mike Tyson. I’ll remember that everytime I get frustrated, except I’ll have to do more research and watch more fights so I can choose a female kickboxer pro name instead of a male 😆 haha

    GFC-I WISH I COULD HAVE A HOME GYM!!!! I live in an apt 🙁 so as far as putting up a bag at home would be no bueno with the landlord. She’s really anal 😡 But I do go running with my boyfriend when I have time (I work as a receptionist on the weekdays and a waitress on the weekend) So usually all my training is when I go to my gym. I always show up 30 minutes early before anyone else is there, and do 5 rounds of pads instead of 4 rounds to improve and help my endurance. Thanks for that advice as far as slipping, blocking, and moving with the punches. I will try to keep that in mind when I spar next week ( Monday and Wednesday I spar, while Tuesday and Thursday I grapple) Is there a book as far as the psycology of a fighter that you would recommend?

    I guess the timing was off when my coach decided to pair me and this girl up because now that I think of it she had to be out for 2 weeks due to surgery ( I think it had something to do with gall bladder or something around that area? ) and she was trying to prepare for a fight in 2 weeks, but then coach told her that she wasn’t ready and he wanted her to heal. Well a week after that they had an unexpected fight come up and again coach paired us up. I guess now that I look back on it I only remembered her frustration towards me and forgot that she just got done with surgery and was trying to get back into the swing of things and prepare for a fight. BTW, that fight that came up she didn’t get to fight because they “forgot to tell her” that her fighter was traveling and they weren’t too sure if she would have a fight set up. Let’s say all our fighters had something go wrong with their fights because this place was totally unorganized and did us so wrong. Least to say, coach said we’re never going back there again. I don’t mind sparring with the guys. Guys, girls, as long as someone will help me, I really don’t mind what gender you are, as long as I can learn something out of it. The guys are like family to me now. Its just that my coach wants to pair me up with this girl because we’re about the same height and almost same weight, she’s 135 and I’m 145. So I really want to try to catch up and be on her level, but I have to remember, like what you guys said, it takes time.
    Thank you all for your advice again. I will really try my hardest to not let my frustration get the best of me. I guess its hard when I see everybody else spar and I just want to be on the same level as them, but I have to remember that it does take time and repetition. This is the first time I have ever done anything like this. I have no previous experience with martial arts, so I’m pretty much out of my element. Hearing that my situation is normal is reassuring because no one at my gym ever talks about it, so I’m left in the dark just wondering. But FOR REAL THOUGH!!! This site has really helped me with getting to know kickboxing and mma and reading all the little tid bits on how to improve.
    Tonight is grappling o0o0o0o0o 😮 and I don’t go to the gym tomorrow because I work at the restaurant Friday nights. Living in the Bay Area is soooooo expensive 🙁 but its okay, kickboxing helps release my stress 😛 So as far as sparring, I won’t get to do that until Monday, so until then I will keep you posted next week!!!
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    GFC
    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:58 pm
    Fightergirls elite poster

    Joined: Thu Jul 19, 2007 4:01 am
    Posts: 1576
    Location: Baja Cali/Vegas
    ko, for sure happy to help…don’t worry frustration is something which can happen at every level. Shayna also brought up a *really* good technique. one of my other girls who’s a pro boxer (also another transitioning into mma now btw) but at that time had a similar situation. her trainer threw her into sparring against one of the top pros who in addition was also about 15-20 lbs heavier. needless to say she was getting hammered badly completely frustrated and developing a complex over it. my advice was also to vid her sparring sessions so she could get that 3rd person perspective which you cannot see while you’re in there. you can then see and analyze both the positive and negative things you are doing. your conscious/subconscious can then assimilate and help you react better each time you spar or fight…

    as for the maize bag, it really makes zero noise or anything like a heavy or speed bag…it just swings like a pendulum for timing and head movement. in fact I have a really cool setup we use on the road which is great even for hotels, etc. it’s a doorway pullup bar which just pops right up no screws or anything, then the slip bag, ab straps, swivel grips, gravity boots can all easily clip on. shouldn’t really be a prob even with an anal landlord I would think but your call…

    a few books I’d recommend…of course The Tao of JKD, Geoff Thompson has some good reads, I really liked BJ Penn’s book although it’s more application based than heavy on fight psychology…

    but hopefully that should get you rollin…def keep us posted! 🙂

    ~Lisa
    Last edited by GFC on Thu Mar 13, 2008 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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    chloe7046
    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2008 2:58 pm

    Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:17 pm
    Posts: 3
    i have found that the biggest lesson i’m learning from MMA or martial arts in general is patience. PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE!!!! it sucks cause i’m the type that wants to get good at something fast and get out there too, but you have to remember that the great fighters that we all look up to have been doing this for YEARS. skill and confidence will come with time (this is the speech my coach has to give me all the time cause i get frustrated just like you do).

    understand that this game is 90% mental and if you take the time to absorb your training as a WHOLE, as a life lesson, as a character building experience, you’ll soon see that every time you get pissed and keep going, you’re getting that much better.

    this is fighting…it’s not gonna be easy. it’s gonna be a fight EVERY SINGLE DAY to keep yourself going, to work through injuries, to stay in it when that girl is pounding your face, to not let the mental game break you down etc. but that is EXACTLY what is going to make you better.

    just remember…most chicks dont even have the guts to step onto that mat, so right there, you’ve become a better woman for it.
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    Rosi
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:45 pm
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:26 am
    Posts: 532
    All good points 🙂

    It’s a common problem, something we all have to deal with at times. I recently wrote a blog post, based on my reply to someone who emailed me feeling pretty much the same way.

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    strikesubmit
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:53 am

    Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:23 pm
    Posts: 15
    Location: Chicago, IL
    KO,

    I can completely relate. I’ve been training in BJJ and Muy Thai since August, but because of gym rules I haven’t been able to do any real sparring only drilling. Last night at the end of our self-defense class the instructor had us do a grappling drill where 5 or 6 guys are on the floor and everyone else lines up around the green and the first guys in line come into the guard of the guys on the floor. The guy on the floor has to sweep or submit and the guy on top has to pass the guard.

    I was so nervous, especially since I was one of the first folks in line and I have never actually put anything I’ve learned to use. The first guy open to me was a blue belt. Well needless to say I completely blanked on the first go round, I felt like a total noob. But the guys at the gym are so supportive and encouraging. Don, the blue belt was trying to go slow with me, but the whole thing lasted about 2 seconds before he swept me with a move we had JUST learned in class that day (which made me feel even worse, ugghh)

    The second time up, I thought I had a game plan, I was gonna try to twist and stand to break the guard and then pass to the side. Well, I just couldn’t break the guys guard and and didn’t keep my elbows in and when all was said and done I ended up in a triangle and tapped out, but I lasted 5 secs longer than the first time, which made me feel a little better.

    Its frustrating, but all it makes you wanna do is get right back in there and try again because if it wasn’t hard it probably wouldn’t be worth it.
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    Samus
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:25 pm

    Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:05 pm
    Posts: 13
    I wish I’d made this thread when I first started sparring. I know exactly how you feel. I’d been training kickboxing for years before I sparred for the first time, and I was rocked. I felt frozen. I forgot everything I knew.

    Someone said patience, oh yes. There’s no ego dump like getting hit. Protect yourself at first, learn not to blink, and be very kind to yourself afterward. Like they said, the fact that you’re on that mat means you are a rock star.

    After a night of sparring, consider where and when you were getting hit. Fix one thing each time. My goal one week would be to stop dropping my hands when I threw hooks; another week I’d concentrate only on throwing a cross whenever someone came at me with a right kick.

    I know I’m just repeating what these awesome fighters have already said, but I wanted you to know that we all go through it, and that even someone who has been drilling for years, who looks amazing on the bag, will completely choke while sparring at first.
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    k0conute
    Post subject: hey ladies!PostPosted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 10:50 am

    Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:33 am
    Posts: 51
    Location: Fremont, CA
    So I’ve finally made it onto the computer without dieing. I got sick right after I posted this!!! SUCKS I KNOW!!! I got all this advice and was really stoked but then I got sick and still trying to recover! It’s this awful cold that’s going around here in the Bay Area! Tonight I will be returning to training after being out for 2 weeks. So wish me luck… hopefully if I’m still alive and in one piece I will attempt to spar tonight =)

    ps: thank you again for all your advice!
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    k0conute
    Post subject: UPDATE!PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 7:08 am

    Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2008 11:33 am
    Posts: 51
    Location: Fremont, CA
    So I finally got to spar last night even though it was grappling night. I saw two of the guys practicing with the hand mitts on the side of the mats while the rest of them were drilling on different angles of the arm bars and how to escape them…I ended up sparring with Eddy (who’s a really nice guy) and I kept trying to tell myself to calm down, breathe, remember the combo drills, and pace yourself. I didn’t do too bad besides not being able to block his kicks, but not too bad. I got a little winded and started to get excited, but I kept telling myself concentrate on pace and landing combos, if you get hit don’t let that rattle you, just counter like its reflex.

    Thank you ladies for all your advice!!! I have printed out the post so I can look it over before each practice so I can try to concentrate on one thing each other and keep it in mind to always work on it. This week I’ve been concentrating on my jabs to not throw them under and just straight. I really am trying to polish technique and hopefully with perserverance and some throws I’ll get there 😀
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    Jilly the Fighter
    Post subject: Re: hey ladies!PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 9:00 am

    Joined: Fri Dec 07, 2007 12:55 pm
    Posts: 36
    Location: Concord, CA
    k0conute wrote:
    So I’ve finally made it onto the computer without dieing. I got sick right after I posted this!!! SUCKS I KNOW!!! I got all this advice and was really stoked but then I got sick and still trying to recover! It’s this awful cold that’s going around here in the Bay Area! Tonight I will be returning to training after being out for 2 weeks. So wish me luck… hopefully if I’m still alive and in one piece I will attempt to spar tonight =)

    ps: thank you again for all your advice!
    That cold that is going around the Bay area is Nasty. Just about everyone I work with and everyone at my Gym has had it and we are in Concord. It knocked me out for almost 3 weeks. I lost weight though….
    Keep up the hard work and keep kicking butt!
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