Crush on a training partner

This topic contains 0 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Chad Moechnig 1 year, 7 months ago.

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    Chad Moechnig
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    annalyn
    Post subject: Crush on a training partner Post Posted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:35 pm

    Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:55 pm
    Posts: 3
    I have developed a terrible crush on one of the top guys at my gym. I chat w/ him at class, but I don’t even know if he’s single.

    I have no idea what to do about it. I don’t really want to hit on him because I don’t want to make things awkward. The most important thing for me is to train – I love my current gym, and if it didn’t work out I would feel compelled to leave. At the same time though, I have a serious crush on this guy and can’t help but want to see if he would be interested.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it? Thanks!
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    Maulinator
    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:29 am
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2004 9:43 pm
    Posts: 451
    Location: Hawaii, fighting out of San Diego, CA
    I was in a similar situation a long, long time ago when I was first starting to train. Horrible mutual crush on a training partner. We both had significant others at the time. Time went on and he fianlly came clean to me. Even then I still held back. But I ended up ending my current relationship (a decision I have never stopped regretting) just to see if I could pursue something with this other guy. He ended up ending his relationship too, and we were “seeing” each other for a long time, but never developed into any kind of real relationship.

    The result of that decision:

    There were many uncomfortable training sessions. It was akward at times because we did not let anyone else know.

    It did distract me from my training.

    Nothing developed out of it for me, but when he did start dating other girls he would bring them to class and as much as I tried not to, it really bothered me and I was jealous.

    He was one of my very best training partners, but his new girlfriend would not allow us to train together, so not only did I loose my ex-bf, I lost a good training partner and friend because of it.

    My advice is not to pursue it. I know its hard and this kind of stuff happens all the time, but if you want to be taken seriously in the gym, and not be distracted while you train – I would leave it alone. I know there are situations where people who are now married, met their other half in the gym, and I don’t know how that worked for them. But I would advise against it unless you are for sure for sure you are actually gonna get a relationship out of it. Be VERY careful. It is not worth ruining your training environment. And my situation was actually a best case scenerio, I could imagine how difficult it would have been if we ended on really bad terms. Since then I have never dated anyone that I train with. I like to keep it all seperate. My gym is my sanctuary, not my dating pool.

    Crushes come and go, decide what your real priorities are.
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    debi
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 8:42 am
    Fightergirls Pro Fight Team

    Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:04 am
    Posts: 533
    Hi Moll 😉

    Call me will ya girl ? I may have a fight for you. Also I agree with Moll. Nothing good usually come’s out of this. I have done it. amnd have been lucky but can tell you 1000 bad stories of women forced out of their gym

    Deb
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    Rox21
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:05 pm
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2004 6:49 pm
    Posts: 1334
    Location: Kanagawa/Japan
    God that happened to me before.

    I’m glad to read your story.

    I guess it’s different for everyone.

    I decided to never say anything unless I feel they might possibly be interested in me back. (which never happens)But it’s more scary if you’re both deeply attached to your dojo and can’t go anywhere else…I agree that I’d want to make sure I think it could work out.

    I’m that kind of person anyway…I’d want to get to know the person well before I got into a relationship. *shrug* who knows, I’ve never had a boyfriend so I’m no one to talk! ;_; sucks. maybe that’s why.

    But you don’t want to NOT do something because you’re scared… then you hear great stories about people meeting their soulmates, and then horror stories. Which one are you gonna be? take a chocolate
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    cosmic
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:03 am

    Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:56 am
    Posts: 405
    Location: AUSTRALIA
    its a tough situation. i wouldn’t have a clue what advice to give.

    any further updates?
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    skiistari
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:51 pm

    Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:39 am
    Posts: 34
    Hi Roxanne!
    The guys at my gym are always asking about you … Alex Costa, Will (not sure of his last name…), you know, the usual Boston crew. You and I have never met except on this forum, but they didn’t even know you were in Japan! hehe. silly boys.
    So what’s the update? where are you?

    I guess the whole dojo-relationship thing is something every female in MMA is going to have to deal with at some point. We’re put up on an attention pedestal which can be really fun but also overwhelming sometimes. After two really REALLY awful experiences with gym guys I vowed NEVER to try that again. 1.5 years (and a long distance relationship that didnt work out) later, I found myself curious again… ready to test the waters. Now I’m also an example of how it CAN work.

    AND LETS FACE IT —- almost no guy outside of jiujitsu is going to understand my addiction to it. My ex pretended he was ok with it, but he never understood and was always jealous. I broke up with him when I realized I would rather train than hang out with him!
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    BrianNYC
    Post subject: Happened to me, tooPostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:23 am
    Fightergirls elite poster

    Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 1:24 pm
    Posts: 711
    Location: NY, NY
    As a man, I found myself attracted to a female training partner. I found myself distracted sometimes and other times making an ass out of myself to gain her attention.

    I realized that 1) i was hurting my training; 2) i WAS making an ass out of myslef; 3) i was at times hurting the training/development and concentration of others; and 4) finally realized she was way too hot for me anyway and would probably never be interested in me…

    Im glad i did not follow up on it at the time. She moved away, I met her recently in her city while on a business trip only the hear from her that she was interested in me!!! After a good laugh, we realized it would have been a disaster. C’est la vie…
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    Ruby
    Post subject: Re: Happened to me, tooPostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 10:43 am

    Joined: Tue Jun 27, 2006 6:46 am
    Posts: 50
    Location: NJ
    BrianNYC wrote:
    Im glad i did not follow up on it at the time. She moved away, I met her recently in her city while on a business trip only the hear from her that she was interested in me!!! After a good laugh, we realized it would have been a disaster. C’est la vie…
    LOL!! How Ironic is that?

    If I was single I would still be very be leary about dating someone I train with.

    However, just be careful. There is a higher probability that it will turn into a nighmare and hinder yours and his training. Take the advice from those that have been through it.

    Good luck though.
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    annalyn
    Post subject: PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:46 pm

    Joined: Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:55 pm
    Posts: 3
    thanks everyone. i knew it was probably a bad idea… i’m not going to pursue anything with this guy in case it would hurt my training. it just sucks because some of these guys are great and if we didn’t train together, i would like to go out with them. it’s like “water water everywhere and not a drop to drink” lol
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    irishspirit
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:37 am

    Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2007 7:41 pm
    Posts: 144
    Location: Washington D.C.
    I’m not sure if my story will help, but here goes…

    I met my current b/f at a grappling tournament last year. He invited me to drop in on their gym to train with one of their females (his gym wasn’t far from mine). I visited his gym a few times and we went out a few times and I ended up switching to that school. Not because of him, but because I realized how much better it was than where I had been training.

    We have had ups and downs, but it’s awesome to be able to share our passion (no other b/f ever really understood my fascination with grappling) and to have someone with his experience watching my game so carefully!

    The biggest problem we had early on (and even sometimes now) was maintaining our own space and sense of independence since we were forced to see each other every day and now share many of the same friends in what had started out as a casual relationship.

    We’ve been seeing each other for 10 months now and it’s still great! But I don’t know what would happen if we broke up. It would be really hard if not impossible for me to concentrate on my game, and neither of us would want to leave the gym because it’s the best in the area. But I’m happy to be with him and if I didn’t get the chance to be with him then I would have always wondered…
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