Dating in the gym

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    Chad Moechnig
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    ladygrappler
    Post subject: Dating in the gymPostPosted: Fri Jul 02, 2004 9:34 pm

    Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2004 11:08 am
    Posts: 27
    Location: new market, Onatrio Canada
    Okay,
    I was curious if anyone has had any experience with dating someone they trained with and what happend should it not work out? I was apporached by a good friend with whom i have trained with for a while and he wishes to persue on another level, i am treading very cautiously on this ground seeing as i will have to train with him should this “thing” come and possibly go….any advice would lighten the Load A TON! Much thanks! 😳
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    dl_angel
    Post subject: PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2004 6:39 am

    Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 6:49 pm
    Posts: 150
    Location: Austin, Texas
    I would sit down and discuss this with him- if he can’t do that, then keep it at a friendship level. Whether something like that works out okay, even if you don’t stay together, is entirely dependent on the maturity of BOTH people.

    OH- and REALLY think hard about how you’d be able to handle it… I’ve done it and I was surprised how difficult it was afterwards. It’s DEFINITELY easier to handle though if both people are capable of being adult about the situation. And if you’re really commited to your training, you’re probably not going to stop. It’ll probably just be really uncomfortable for a while…

    The hard thing is that it’s nice to date people with similar interests so sometimes it’s worth trying.
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    gretamobetta
    Post subject: PostPosted: Sat Jul 03, 2004 12:05 pm
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    Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:06 pm
    Posts: 137
    Location: Milwaukee WI
    Remember if its goes bad, its the women who always suffers. Ive seen it quite a bit. Relationship drama in the gym- the guys just seem to go on and the girls stop showing up. Not that this will be the case, I always think the worse possible scenario. In my personal expierience things got really wierd. I was treated differently and I think I lost some respect of the other guys. I vowed never to do it again…..
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    scarce
    Post subject: PostPosted: Sun Jul 04, 2004 10:32 am
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    Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2004 4:31 pm
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    go to http://www.merlin.com……..or merlindata.com………..and get his criminal history…….all you need is a full name….and a city………….you can never trust guys….nowadays………for instance….would you trust me???????…..i thought so……and ….that being…that i am a nice guy…….lets go to another level baby???????……ask him for 100.00…to get your hair done….see if he flinches….i know i would….i might fall off the chair……
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    KnockOut2
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 9:03 am

    Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:19 pm
    Posts: 439
    Location: Louisville, KY
    I think it has an awful lot to do with the person in question.

    I think the scenario that Gretamobeta mentions is probably due to the guys being friends with the gym owner, or there being a clique in the gym that he is part of that she is not. I suppose that is more common.

    Regardless of how things end up afterward, you know that you are risking the possibility of the gym turning into a soap opera. Like I said, it totally depends on the person that you are dating.

    Then again…as dl_angle mentions, it is probably rare to find someone who has similar interests as you when it comes to martial arts training. That provides a level of understanding and acceptance that you might not find in many other people…especially if you are a competition fighter.

    I think dl_angel’s advice is pretty good. Discuss it with him a bit. If he is your friend first, then he should have no problem with you discussing the issue with him for a while before considering dating.

    I think relationships that start on friendships tend to provide a better foundation. You’re more open to one another from the get go.

    Good luck!
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    ABScene
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 10:08 am

    Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:44 am
    Posts: 26
    Okay, here’s a positive story. Today is my one year wedding anniversary! I am married to my instructor/boss!

    He is also my best friend and an awesome training partner (among other things that I will NOT mention here 😉 )

    Rebecca
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    gretamobetta
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:19 pm
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    Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2004 7:06 pm
    Posts: 137
    Location: Milwaukee WI
    Knockout2, You have a great point- Where else can you find someone with so much in commen? Not to mention I am in the gym so much, I really dont have time to meet other guys. Im Damned if I do and Damned if I dont…. I would like to know about other experineces, good or bad. Im not prying into personal bussiness, I just want to know if it worked or not.
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    dl_angel
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 6:25 pm

    Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 6:49 pm
    Posts: 150
    Location: Austin, Texas
    My assistant taekwondo instructor and I went on a date and then went out a couple times for lunch, etc (I worked at my tkd school)… I was pretty cool with it if he didn’t want to date, but he never said anything. He sort of went back and forth between making comments like, “Oh wow I found this great recipe, I should cook it for you sometime.” and then not calling me, asking me out, etc. He’d come up behind me, rub my back, and all this other crap. It was really weird, but I realized that he was just way too nice and not very assertive. Anyways it ended up being really awkward because he started dating someone later on and he kept trying to tell me but he had such a hard time being direct.

    I guess what was hard about the dating the instructor thing was that I respected and admired him as an instructor, but I lost a lot of respect for him when he wasn’t direct and wasn’t just honest with me. I also realized that while we had some things in common, his personality didn’t really match mine well. It’s a little bit different, how someone acts at the gym, particularly if they’re the instructor. I realized that he was a MUCH different person at the gym than he was outside of class.

    On the other hand, I’m currently dating a fighter and it’s really great. He introduced me to MMA and our personalities are a good fit. Plus it’s cool because we can spar together, go to the gym together, etc. I cannot IMAGINE being able to dedicate the time and effort to this if I wasn’t with someone who was supportive- not only that but I wouldn’t see him much either. But even though we don’t go to the same gym (it’s a little bit of a long distance relationship), if he’s over for the weekend then he will come watch me workout and we might go lift weights after. And there’s something GREAT about being with someone who is as physically fit as you are- and it motivates you to keep it up too. 🙂 But we keep it professional at the gym- chances are that no one would know we were dating unless we told them.
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    ladygrappler
    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon Jul 05, 2004 8:17 pm

    Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2004 11:08 am
    Posts: 27
    Location: new market, Onatrio Canada
    Your help is soo wonderful thank you…when you date a fighter though do you find you get sick of each other…or need space..just cuz im at the gym the better part of my day, so he is as well…just curious what you think! Thanks again for all of your help you guys rock
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    dl_angel
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Jul 06, 2004 5:32 am

    Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 6:49 pm
    Posts: 150
    Location: Austin, Texas
    I’m not with him all the time. But like I mentioned- we treat each other like anyone else at the gym. We stop holding hands when we walk through the doors. I think if you can separate the two, then maybe it could be easier.

    I’ve worked with guys I’ve dated before and when there’s a sense of professionalism, it’s not a problem. It’s when you argue about things at work (or in the gym in this case), etc. THEN you can have problems. The nice thing about separating the gym vs your dating time and acting like you’re not together when you’re at the gym is that people at the gym will probably have more respect for you and treat it a bit differently if things DO go wrong and you’re not together anymore. Not only that, but the difference won’t be immediately obvious if you stop seeing each other because you’ll never have acted differently at the gym than you did before. Make sense?

    As for getting sick of each other- whenever you spend a lot of time together, it’s possible you’ll pick up on things that annoy you more quickly. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, if you’re also paying attention to the good things that make you care about that person. 🙂
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    WarriorHeartGrrl
    Post subject: dating in the gymPostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 4:50 pm

    Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 4:52 pm
    Posts: 18
    Location: Northern Vermont
    I think everyone has made some good points, but personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea to date someone that you train with. At my dojo, we all treat each other like family, which makes us all close, and we don’t think of each other in terms of dating. We’ve seen couples come in and out of the dojo, and none of us want to deal with the drama.
    For starters, dating brings smile tension into the training. It’s hard enough sometimes to get men to treat you like an equal, and i’ve found that once a woman starts dating within the dojo, unfortunatly, she’s suddenly veiwed in a lesser light.
    For another thing, once a women starts dating within the dojo, many times other men won’t want to train with her, for fear of making her current bf upset. Jealousy, pssesivness, those kinds of things may rear their ugly heads.
    If you want to find someone with similar intresests, try going to some competitions. There, you can find someone as serious about your art as you are, but who are not in your space, which is important….
    For instance, what happens if you get into a fight and you both like to train to blow off steam. Sometimes it’s good not to taint something you love with something that’s potentially harmful.
    If your really dedicated to your gym and your training, you need to weigh the options. It really comes down to what you want…
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    dl_angel
    Post subject: PostPosted: Wed Jul 07, 2004 5:52 pm

    Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 6:49 pm
    Posts: 150
    Location: Austin, Texas
    I actually DO agree with WarriorHeartGrrl that it’s much better to find someone outside of the gym. I meant to explain how to do it in the least harmful way. Like I said- current boyfriend is NOT at my gym.

    I also don’t like the idea that if I get in an argument and want to break up with someone, that I would have to weigh the consequences in terms of something ELSE that’s important to me. I like having training to turn to when I’m bored, lonely, whatever. So if it was MORE uncomfortable to go train due to losing my boyfriend, I wouldn’t have that outlet. My boyfriend’s been gone for the past 3 weeks and I’ve spent like 10+ hrs at the gym every week. Just found out he’s leaving for 3 months to go to Iraq. It’s all I’ve got to keep my mind off things. So I imagine I’m going to be doing some hard training while he’s gone (ha- maybe I’ll be able to beat him up when he comes back… he’ll be all soft from not sparring!). But it really is a great place to be to NOT think about things that are going on in life- so I think ideally, not training with boyfriend or even family is probably going to allow you to get the most out of your training.
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    scarce
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 7:35 am
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    Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2004 4:31 pm
    Posts: 791
    ,,,,dating in gym is bad…end of story…..
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    KnockOut2
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Jul 09, 2004 6:03 pm

    Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:19 pm
    Posts: 439
    Location: Louisville, KY
    I’m not against dating in the gym. I would be cautious though.

    It is a social fact that we typicall build relationships from the people that we spend time around in our school, jobs, or the gym. It is natural.

    Just be cautious.
    No flings.
    Ladies, don’t go out with “the guy” of the gym, if you know what I mean.
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    chad
    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2004 8:33 pm
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    Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:16 am
    Posts: 671
    Location: Laguna Hills, CA
    I hear of a couple stories were long term relationships happen from the gym or training partners.. I have to go against it due to the fact if a fight happens you might not have a place to train…

    maybe we should open a dating or love line on fightergirls 😆 😆 😆

    Chad
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    KnockOut2
    Post subject: PostPosted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 4:09 pm

    Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 6:19 pm
    Posts: 439
    Location: Louisville, KY
    I dunno about that chad.

    That could make this board turn into a mess 😛
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    tinaXXX
    Post subject: Hard decisionPostPosted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 5:35 am

    Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2004 5:16 am
    Posts: 24
    Location: Treasure Coast
    I would recommend that you do not date anyone from where you train. It could ruin the atmosphere for everyone since there are others in the gym who are probably attracted to you and would feel somehow rejected.
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