dating your instructor

This topic contains 0 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Chad Moechnig 1 year, 8 months ago.

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    Chad Moechnig

    Post subject: dating your instructor PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2006 2:54 pm

    Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:53 am

    Posts: 38
    Location: louisiana
    anyone ever tried this, and had it work out? not work out? expierienced ramifications? something tells me its so wrong on so many different levels….wouldn’t this kind of make you lose respect in the gym?

    am i thinking to much?



    Post subject: PostPosted: Sun May 07, 2006 4:13 pm

    Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 6:56 am
    Posts: 915
    Location: Lexington, KY
    My instructor was my best friend and we eventually started dating. Two years later we got married and are extremely happy. No one lost respect for me (that I know of), but we had a very small group and were all friends.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 8:33 am
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2005 7:37 am
    Posts: 542
    Location: minnesota
    Sounds like your mind’s already made up…if you’re gonna date him have a back up plan for training, in case it doesn’t work out. Good luck.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 10:54 am
    Pro Fighter

    Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 12:38 am
    Posts: 166
    Location: Vancouver, BC Canada
    Similar story for me. I trained with him for 2 years. I didn’t want to date him after seeing all the other girls trying to pick up the instructors/fighters. But, after 2 years of daily training, then I started running the front office and spending more time together….now we’re married with 2 kids. It worked out great for us, but it wasn’t easy. He’s more protective with me than with our other fighters. Also, in training, the guys don’t want to risk hurting the coach’s wife, so it can be challenging at times. I don’t think that our guys lost respect for me in any way, but it did take some adjustment time them.

    I’ve seen this go bad with other couples. If it doesn’t work out, you lose your dojo & coach. And, if you’re together for long enough, it can make it hard to train at another school in your area.

    Good luck!


    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon May 08, 2006 6:24 pm

    Joined: Thu Mar 30, 2006 10:12 pm
    Posts: 44
    Follow your heart, thats what I do.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 4:57 am
    Fightergirls Pro Fight Team

    Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 8:04 am
    Posts: 533
    If you get lucky and it works out then great you have a great thing.

    But be prepared to suffer the consequences if it does not.

    As female fighters it’s difficult to find guys to date. On one hand we want someone who understands us and is supportive plus fighter guys are HOT, and there is always that initial attraction to any instructor, I think maybe because of the teacher student mind set that is so normal to crushes,

    On the other. We do not want to date guys where we train because it makes us look bad and ALL guys talk no matter how much we do not want to admit it.

    When it’s over the only thing you got out of it was a reputation and possibly having to find a new place to train.

    I have never dated my instructors because both of them are married and like family to me (thank goodness) but I have dated insides the gym. I got lucky and it never affected my training. There are women here who say it has been great for them. But I will tell you there are MANY more who have regretted this decision because ultimately their training and mindset has suffered because of it.

    When it comes time to deal with the consequences it is usually the girl that has to find a new place. I would be mortified if I had to find a new family as all my training partners and coaches are just that FAMILY, I have come to realize for me it is not worth losing that, So the gains do not out way the risks.

    So I say its definitely a circumstantial decision.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 6:56 am

    Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 12:03 pm
    Posts: 429
    a good thing to remember is that combat and romance are pretty powerfully basic things – primal even. sometimes it is hard enough to navigate romance on its’ own. romance in the workplace is FROUGHT with mindfields. romance on the mat? sheesh.

    One – fighting is classically a male world so there are dynamics to deal with on a daily level. guys besting a girl in a fight is as problematic as a guy having his clock cleaned by a girl – in front of everyone. You all know that.

    Two – fighting is an intimate act. easy for all sorts of lines to be crossed. Not too many personal secrets on the mat. You all know that

    Three – dojos are political and hierarchical environments in the best of times. When male/female is added in a pot that is filled with testosterone, ambition, insecurity and who knows what kind of backstories – whew. You all know that.

    What is good rule to follow? I suggest that if the fight game is a serious pursuit for you and if you want be taken seriously – ‘don’t dip your pen in the company inkwell’. That often starts a line of crap with a life of its’ own and often with no endpoint.

    Last edited by fight4you on Tue May 09, 2006 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 10:08 am

    Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 8:48 pm
    Posts: 47
    Location: Tucson, AZ
    I once had an instructor who started dating her instructor. She lost a lot of credibility, and ultimatly my respect, for that action.
    For me, there is simply a line that needs to exist that separates student and instructor. I care about, and participate in, the lives of my instructors, that is only human. But there is a reason why I insist on calling them “Mr. (or Ms.) so-and-so”, whereas they can call me either “Ms. C” or by my nick-name.
    Crushes are normal and to be expected, but consider the consequences if you act on them. Just remember that we have instincts for a reason, and it’s always wise to listen to them! I think that if you’re already having doubts about it, and are uncomfortable with the idea, then it’s probably not a good one.
    Just my $0.02.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Tue May 09, 2006 3:22 pm

    Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2004 12:03 pm
    Posts: 429
    yea i had a married instructor who had an affair with a cute and married student in our class. both ended up divorced. kind of hard to teach about a higher moral code, bushido and all that, when you’re doing private mat techniques after class, ya know?


    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 7:41 am

    Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:53 am
    Posts: 38
    Location: louisiana
    well i am unhappy to report that it did not work out, now it is weird and i am devastated. just devastated on so many different levels.



    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 10:00 pm

    Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:18 pm
    Posts: 76
    It’s just bad business and business should be your first priority if you own a school. I’ve known guys who have done shit like this and then the girl AND a friend or two leave. So if your charging let say 100 a month, if three people leave your losing out on 3600 dollars a year. Thats freakin huge.

    I dont think it shouldnt be done, but I think there should be a stable,grounded platonic relationship first for a significant period of time. When you know its not something that could potentially blow up in your face, go for it.

    It comes down to proffesionalism. Something that some places really couldnt give two shits about.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Mon May 15, 2006 7:07 am

    Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2006 8:48 pm
    Posts: 47
    Location: Tucson, AZ
    Sorry to hear that. *hug*
    Best of luck learning and moving on.


    Post subject: PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2006 1:45 am

    Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:47 pm
    Posts: 5
    Hi, sorry to hear that, too.

    Was that with a Thai trainer in Thailand?


    Post subject: PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 6:10 am

    Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:53 am
    Posts: 38
    Location: louisiana
    no not at all. in thailand, i couldn’t even dream of that happening, not at tiger.
    the whole atmosphere is gender-blind and deeply respectful. i don’t care if my trainer was the thai-brad pitt when you are there in that heat, pre-occupied with trying not to throw up or pass out the last thing you are thinking about its dating someone. and the thais are very warm people*very*
    but they are also very hard to get close to. part of the culture.

    it was at my home gym, i wish it never would have happened. i quickly found out my instructor..was…how do i put it….well, he’s def. no kru. after two dates i basically found out he was a little shit, and when i told him i just wanted to be friends, he replyed, “i don’t have to be anyones friend to teach them how to fight”

    so evidently he can’t take rejection and i’m out of a pretty good working relationship we had before. i lost respect, and when you lose respect for your instructor, and you are as into this as i am, like i sadi its pretty devestating.

    bad judgement on my part, lesson learned. but i live in a small town, and we only have one muay thai gym so i have to roll with it. thanks for all the advice guys…….


    Post subject: PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2006 9:17 pm
    Fightergirls elite poster

    Joined: Fri Feb 13, 2004 7:16 am
    Posts: 671
    Location: Laguna Hills, CA
    Sorry to hear that!!! I am glad you posted it here and other women had the same advice…. A few have great endings but most are terrible I see this kind of stuff happen all the time… But everyone is going to do what their own decisions are..



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